I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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