I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
