I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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