From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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