There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I am naked and annoyed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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