i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
