That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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