operation have a gay friend backfired
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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