when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
