Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
