Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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