I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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