hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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