Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Boobs speak an international language.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
