I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
