I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
