u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
