When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
