I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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