hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
