Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My feet surprised me
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
