I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
