the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
