They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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