The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
please don't ironically join a cult
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