I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize