worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
