I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize