he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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