Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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