so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I could make wine with my vomit
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize