Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
