So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
4 words: hood of his car
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
