Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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