Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
