Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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