We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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