I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
