So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
