We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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