If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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