im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
