what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
