The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
