What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
