Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
