It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're like the curious george of whores
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
