so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
ok first of all what the fuck
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
