i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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