i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
