im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
