I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
