peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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