What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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