Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
