Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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