I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
