Just took my morning after pill in the library
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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