he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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