i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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