I wish life had little blips of pornography
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
