conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Randomize
